Summer is wrapping up and you had a blast at prom but now you gotta put on your big boy pants and cut the umbilical cord–freshman year is here. Pack your post-pubescent facial wipes, kiss your mommy goodbye and welcome to college and The University of Colorado! Before you embark on this transcendent journey, take some pointers from The Adventurous 500 on how to come out on top. Hell, don’t just read this–print it and laminate it to your dorm room door.
1. Take Advantage Of Free Condoms At Your Campus Hospital (CU’s Wardenburg) - College is a breeding ground but don’t just take your partner’s word for it when it comes to sex. Baby mama drama can wait until you graduate.
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2. Don’t Get An MIP (minor in posession) - Freshman year is hard, don’t make it harder on yourself. MIP’s stay on your record and you’ll end up taking alcohol classes where they make you measure the amount you drink on a nightly basis.
3. Don’t Bring Illegal Substances Into The Dorms – Yes, someone can search your room and believe it or not they do a thorough job. So unless you want someone invading your privacy and possibly your anus with their fingers looking for extra contraband, don’t do this.
4. Don’t Lose Your Campus Card (Buff One) – You can use it for everything from food to printing. Last time we checked it’s $25 to replace, $25 you could be spending on illegal substances that you just agreed to not bring back to your room. So be smart–staple it to your forehead.
5. Sit Next To The Hottest Girl In Class - This isn’t high school anymore, clicks no longer exist and nobody cares if she was captain of the dance squad (or if you were the chess club champion). Every guy has an equal shot and you don’t wanna miss out on a golden opportunity.
6. Watch Out For The Meter Maids – Parking tickets run $30 per offense. We suggest taking the bus as much as possible at CU-Boulder.
7. Know That Campus Police Are REAL Police - As much as we love to taunt authorities and then run through campus laughing hysterically, there will be consequences afterwards.
8. Dorm Room Parties Are For Rookies - Do NOT allow other kids to “rage face” in your room. Network outside of your dorm, make some older friends and party elsewhere. That way you can damage someone else’s house, while increasing your chances of hooking up.
9. Don’t Waste Your Money On A Fake ID – We don’t know one person who kept a fake ID for more than a month. Save your cash and dignity.
10. Eat Somewhere Else Besides The Hill - We love hill food, but Boulder has some top notch places to grab a bite.
11. Befriend Your Entire Building – This group of kids will more than likely end up being some of the best friends you ever have.
12. Take Advantage Of Free Food – Even if you don’t care, which is the case 95% of the time, just show up to an event–it’s worth it.
13. Get Your Green Card If you’re gonna do something, do it right. Green cards are easy to obtain in Colorado if you’re in chronic pain (pun intended). CU-Boulder is known for 4/20, do it right–do it legal.
14. Don’t Piss Off Your Resident Advisor (aka R.A.) - The fact that anyone would volunteer to be an R.A. is beyond us, but these guys are known to power trip. Get in good with them and they’ll help you stay out of trouble.
15. Dump The At-Home High School Girlfriend – College is all about finding yourself and there is plenty of opportunity to do that in beautiful Boulder. Don’t prolong the inevitable and allow yourself to enjoy the finer things in college life–being single.
16. Don’t Enter A Relationship Freshman Year - What do you mean she’s spending the night at a frat house? Seriously don’t do this to yourself. And if she wants to make it official, go on Facebook and list her as a favorite activity.
17. Be Nice To Fletcher - You’ll understand this once you get here. Here’s a hint…
18. Check Yourself - Nobody cares that you won state. Take off your letterman’s jacket and stop acting like a douche.
19. Go To Class - Professors at CU will drop your grade without a second thought.
20. Sewall Dining Hall For Breakfast, Grab & Go’s For Lunch and C4C For Dinner.
21. Network With The Right People - It’s not the msot comfortable thing to do, but it’s the NUMBER ONE reason you’re in college.
22. The One Man Wolfpack Unless you’re with an all-girl group, rolling in to a party with a large group doesn’t fly. Grab a friend, grab some girls or fly solo to your next party.
23. Don’t Be “That Guy” At Football Games - Getting way too drunk and pissing others off was cool when you were slamming Smirnoff Ice in your grandma’s garage, now it’s just amateur hour. By all means if you’re going to drink, then do it, but show up to the game and root on your fellow Buffs, and learn the fight song beforehand.
24. Don’t Hit Up The CU Bookstore - You will walk out crying and needing a cold shower after paying $8 for a pencil, and let’s not even talk about your books. Review your syllabus and order books online. You’ll be much happier when you’re making it rain at your next party with all the extra $1′s you’ve saved up.
25. Don’t Go Out On Dates – They suck up your money and all formalities are out of the window. The girl you dropped $50 on last night, is the same one who ends up wasted at a frat party the next night–shaming her parents with her actions.
Top 25 Freshman Tips For Freshman Girls: CLICK HERE
Freshman Year – What To Expect: CLICK HERE
The Top Party School in America (CU-Boulder): CLICK HERE
Continuing Education for Teachers? Yup.